I am finishing up my second week back in the US much to my surprise as it seems to have passed in eons rather than seconds. I had anticipated this sensation, but not for it to continue. I can only move up my return date to St Andrews so many times before it becomes suspicious to the family.
I find that I am often bored whilst in the US, especially in a very small town in the Good Ole South which truly seems 60 years behind the rest of the world in mentality. There seems to be next to nothing to do, especially on Mondays when all of the restaurants are closed. As I am not 21, I can’t really go out after dinner which makes for early nights and an egregious amount of time spent watch tv. Much of my time has been filled with errands and the wedding to do list (my mother’s wedding is this Saturday- hope we have everything done in time!). I still feel uninspired, lackluster, or some other word that must be the source of depression. Every day feels like I am merely floating through, moving from point A to point B and not remembering why. Nothing could be more contrary to St Andrews where I flourish socially, am excited to study and read and walk along the romantic cobble stone streets and in the sand by the North Sea. I watch the sunset at least once a week and wake up in the morning refreshed. In Europe as a whole I seem to feel more inspired. I’m not sure how this happens, but in the US I’m unsure about the future, worried about image, and not appreciating those I have around me. In Europe I’m excited for tomorrow and feel like anything is possible; I am motivated to make dreams come true.
I find that the one thing I am enjoying here is riding and preparing for my upcoming horse show. I usually get so stressed about these things, but Extra (the horse- whose actual name is Extra Innings) is coming along very well. Now we just need to get some muscle on both him and me. Everyone keep their fingers crossed, Extra, Extra hard! (get it) The whole experience of riding once a week at uni, then riding every day back in the US has made me want a horse more than anything in the world again. I guess everyone is just like always. Unlike most little girls, my “Mommy, I want a pony!” phase never ended.